Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My Own One-derland

I've read a lot about how people on weight-loss journeys are super-excited when they finally reach the 100's, and how sometimes they get stuck mentally and physically at a weight right above 200 pounds.  I was fortunate to only briefly venture into the 200 pound territory, and that was at the very end of my pregnancy.  Once I had the baby, I was immediately back into one-derland. 

I do have to say that it was mightly stressful seeing that scale go above 200 pounds.  I remember panicking when I reached 190, thinking to myself that I might actually see a '2' in front of my weight for the first time.  Even though I knew the added weight was from being pregnant, I had also gained more weight than I should have.  When I first got pregnant, my goal was to not see that 200 on the scale.  But, of course, I ended up eating way too much and used my pregnancy as an excuse to eat all the foods I had stayed away from previously.  I ended up gaining 50 pounds - far more than the 15 - 25 that is recommended.

So, even though I easily returned back to one-derland after my pregnancy was done, I have my own number on the scale that gives me the mental block that others experience when reaching the 100's.  That weight for me is 150 pounds.  Getting past the 150's and into the 140's means nearing the end of my weight-loss journey.  It means I will be at a weight that I haven't seen in over four years, since my wedding.  Whenever I get close to breaking through the 150 barrier, I start to self-sabotage and gain a few pounds back.  Sometimes I have an extra portion at dinner when I'm not really hungry.  Or I have an extra dessert before I go to bed.  Or an extra snack at work.  By the end of the week, my weight will have crept farther away from that 150, making it seem like I will never make it to my goal.

I am reaching that point again, and this time I am hoping I will make it into the 140's quickly and painfree. Last Sunday I weighed in at 153.5, which is almost the weight I was when I got pregnant the second time.  I was so excited to see that number on the scale, especially since I knew I had put in the effort during the week.  It also means I have almost officially lost all the baby weight and I only have about 10 pounds until I am at goal.  So close!

However, the other night I was looking at the bananas sitting on the counter, wanting some sort of dessert.  My husband had bought vanilla ice cream a while back that has been sitting in the freezer, taunting me.  For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to make a banana split.  Yeah, that sounds like healthy diet food to me!  I put a banana in a bowl, added a large scoop of ice cream, cool whip lite, and some Hershey's low-fat chocolate syrup.  Delicious!  After I got through eating it, though, I realized that I was doing my self-sabotage thing I always do when I am getting close to my goal weight.  I felt bad for eating the ice cream, and promised myself the rest of the week I would be good.  And besides, Weight Watchers gives us weekly points that we can use, which I'm sure I didn't go over with just one unhealthy dessert. 

Last night, I found myself thinking about that banana split again.  There was still vanilla ice cream in the fridge.  And the bananas needed to be eaten, since they were starting to get over-ripe.  I again found myself making a banana split sundae and eating it right before bed.  What is wrong with me?  I didn't even step on the scale this morning, for fear that I would see a gain and get discouraged for the rest of the week. 

It is only Wednesday, and I don't officially weigh in until Sunday morning.  I am going to try my hardest to stay away from the evil ice cream in the freezer.  I know if I eat well the rest of the week, I can at least maintain my weight, or maybe even lose a little.  Hopefully I can stay motivated to do so!

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